How should one handle familial toxicity after coming to know Jesus?

When I was on drugs, I was such a negative person. If anyone tried to correct me, I would blame them for my problems. Nothing was my fault. Everything was theirs.

Today, that happened to me. I had a family member reach out. The conversation was off from the beginning. Soon, they began talking about how everyone was against them, how everything was everyone else's fault and how he wanted to no longer be here.

They admitted to relapsing. The same things they said were things I said not to long ago. I sympathized with them.

I pointed them to God and told them I understood because I had been there. I explained that while they may think everyone hated them,I didn't and God didn't. They told me that they still spoke a certain family member to "torture them."

I pointed out that by continuing to talk to that person, it kept them in unhealthy cycles. It didn't torture the family member, it tortured the person who kept reaching out. I tried my best to explain that the true "torture" is to move on with your life and let them go. It did not go over well.

I decided not to engage in the manipulative patterns they were displaying. I stuck to the fact that I understood and if they wanted to do cut me out of their life, I understood. The conversation ended with them saying "f you" and me responding "I'm going to pray for you."

Thank the Lord for character development. The woman I was a few months ago would have cussed them out. The Bible says in Proverbs 15:1 a gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. If I would have responded back the same way they did, we both would have ended up hurting each other and saying things we couldn't take back.

Instead, I calmly explained to them they could cut me off if they wanted to. I explained I wasn't going to force them to be in my life, I don't play those games.

I say all that to say, family members won't always be okay with your growth in the Lord, but the way you respond to them proves that you are in fact growing spiritually and that God is working in your life. When the Lord leads you, you are able to encounter family members that are still hurting with love while also keeping your own peace.

Family is forever is what the world loves to say. That may be true, but that doesn't mean they can forever mistreat you. If you have family members who constantly try to put you down or get you out of character, I encourage you to pray for them, and ask the Lord to guide you on how to treat them.

Don't stoop to their level. By refraining from engaging in toxic patterns you are shifting generational patterns that may have been the norm in the family for generations. That may sound crazy to some people reading this, but it's true. Patterns can't change unless they are confronted and confronting toxicity in family dynamics is confronting patterns others have ignored.

 God has a plan for everything and I pray that when this family member comes to the senses they will understand I said what I said because I love them and want them to be set free through the transformative power of Jesus Christ.